Calling Home
by iDEALITYjUnctioN
Summary: "The last words rang in his ears, cold and resigned and full of so much truth it made his heart twist in tight knots. "I hate you!" " Matthias always thought Lukas would be there, he always thought he would love him, but when he crosses the line will he be able to rewrite the past? Or will Lukas really slip through his fingers?
1. Chapter 1

**Calling Home.**

The silence was suffocating.

It was weighing him down, pinning him onto the cold stone floor, head resting in his pale hands, blue eyes swimming with useless tears. Utterly useless.

Matthias had been this way for god knows how long. The tears had yet to dry and the ache in his heart had yet to fade. He felt his stomach convulse violently, his thoughts swimming towards the episode that had reduced the man to a crying, stuttering mess.

He glanced upwards, bloodshot corneas falling on the place where his lover once stood, his eyes cold as ice but held a flicker of sadness he was trying so hard to suppress. It tore Matthias apart.

He had done that to him... He had made him desperate enough to break his stoic mask long enough to show the Dane he was broken. Long enough to show the Dane the damage he had done. Matthias cradled the cross hairpin in his cold tear stained hands. The metal was cold, holding memories that brought more useless tears to his eyes.

The distraught man let out a ragged sob.

_"... Where have you been?" The Dane looked up. He was halfway out of his coat, one shoe on one shoe off, his eyes blurry and vision tipsy... And drunk. So, so drunk. _

_"Out." He growled, His voice slurred from the effect of the alcohol. He wasn't in the mood to deal with his lover, or his stoic expressions and angry stares. All he wanted was some quick love, something Lukas had never been able to deal out when he needed it. _

_"Fuck 'out'." Lukas snarled, his voice was low and angry, his hands clenched at his side in suppressed rage. Matthias ignored it, either because he was far too drunk to see the signs or just didn't want to._

_"Better than here." He spat back brushing past the man, but Lukas would not be forgotten so easily. He seized the intoxicated Dane by the shoulder hauling him back so he stood in front of him. Matthias stumbled a little, kept stable by Lukas' vice like grip. _

_"Where. Were. You?!" His voice remained level but his eyes burned with cold fury, churning in the depths of his blue this would be the time the Dane would backpedal, trying to diminish the fire he had fed to make his lover so angry. Tonight he stared back defiantly. _

_He said nothing, but didn't have to. Lukas caught a wiff of his clothing, it was rancid, stinking of alcohol and cigarette smoke and... Something else. Lukas looked down taking a step away from him. _

_His eyes were dark, his tone cold as he spoke "Who was it?" _

_The Dane growled a little but kept his voice level "You wouldn't know her..." _

_Lukas visibly bristled "Her?" He spat "Am I not good enough for you anymore? Are you going to swing the other way?" _

_Matthias didn't respond, he wanted to scream but his mind was too scrambled. Lukas' words were to jumbled. He could only listen. _

_"Fuck, Matthias!" Lukas' voice rose, he was angry now. He was losing all of the self control he possessed. "Why do you do this to me?" He ranted throwing his hands into the air "Why don't you just leave me? I'm sure one of your goddamn sluts would happily take you! Honestly, why do I even stay with you-?" _

_SMACK_

_Stillness cloaked the room, the only sound a small tinkling of metal hitting hardwood as Lukas' hairpin fell from his hair at the blow, it held the two occupants in it's grasp like prisoners. They both breathed deeply, Matthias from the effort to stay conscious and Lukas from the shock and confusion of the blow that made his cheek burn and sting. _

_Matthias exploded. _

_"Ya know why you stay with me?!" He screamed, throwing his hands up in frustration "Because ya haven't got anyone else left! You have no family, you have no friends who would ever care enough about ya to let you stay... Y'have nothing without me!" In his rage he cornered Lukas, the blonde stared up at him with wide eyes. The fear the Dane saw in them went unnoticed, the raw emotions ignored in his stupor. He piled the accusations on "You have no one and nothing except me!-" _

_He was interrupted by a hard shove on his chest, the Dane reeled back shocked. Lukas stared up at him, his eyes burning with hate and a deep, deep disgust. So deep Matthias felt the first twinge of guilt even in the state he was in. _

_"I hate you!" _

_Lukas had left. Left the apartment. Left the Dane. _

_The intoxicated man had found his way to the couch and passed out ungracefully his dazed mind not fully understanding what he had just done. What he had done to Lukas, to his Lukas. _

_The next morning he had woken up around noon, to a horrible headache and a missing Norwegian. Searching his mind frantically realized all at once what he had done. The last words rang in his ears, cold and resigned and full of so much truth it made his heart twist in tight knots. _

"I hate you!"

Matthias let out another strangled sob cradling the hairpin in his arms, metal warmed by the attention. He had taken a shower long ago trying to rid himself of the rancid scent of the woman. It worked but it could not erase the guilty feeling in his stomach and the disgust he felt crawling on his skin.

He couldn't move, he could hardly think straight.

"I hate you!"

The words were ringing in his ears, filling his headache head with things he never wanted to think about.

Late into that night when Matthias had cried all the tears he thought he could, he leaned his head against the wall. His mind felt stuffy, his eyes puffy and raw from crying. But now he knew...

"I hate you!"

Lukas, _his _Lukas, was not coming back.

**END**

**A/N:** This is a very sad one shot that may turn into a very sad two-shot. *Shrug. *Shrug. I hope you enjoyed. Or did not enjoy. Please tell me what you think.

-Artemis.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two; **

Matthias walked quickly, the cold fragile air of an Oslo night biting at every piece of exposed skin it could reach. The raw stench of coming rain hung in the dark streets cloaking the Dane in a blanket of silence. It could have been peaceful, if his world did not fall apart on these very streets.

Three months. Three months since he had slept with the woman, he didn't even remember her name now, nor did he want to. Three weeks since he had lost Lukas for good.

The days had been long, the nights even longer. Full of regrets and blue eyes brimmed with tears, red-rimmed when he dragged himself out of bed the next morning to start the day. He went through who knows how many jobs since his lover's absence. Yet not once did he turn to any more one night stands for comfort.

It wasn't the same. It wasn't enough. It wasn't Lukas.

So he found himself almost sprinting down the road that led to the Norwegian's apartment complex. The one he had gotten for himself when he had left the Dane, it was supposed to be nice. Matthias had cried when he heard that.

But that was all that he did hear, none of their friends would talk to him. Save a brief group visit where Tino, usually the voice of optimism and light, had slapped him in the face and told him that if he ever went near Lukas again he would kill him. Emil, Lukas' younger brother, only glared at him with cold eyes. Matthias had shivered looking away, he had Lukas' eyes. Berwald hadn't said much, but Matthias did walk away from the ordeal with a nice black eye and a bloody nose.

Needless to say he had only found out where Lukas was from his collegues at work, they seemed to think this would help their stoic boss. Matthias internally denied the thought that he could helped Lukas, he was the one who needed the Norwegian.

Matthias stopped walking abruptly his last footstep echoing out over the empty streets. He glanced from the paper to the address on the small duplex. He sucked in a breath of air, smelling his fear as he made his way to the wooden front steps and up to the door.

He hesitated, he knew it was stupid and he should just be a man, but he couldn't help it. He was scared shitless.

Taking a deep breath he rapped lightly on the door, his undecided rhythm making what little courage he had left leave him. He felt his hand shake as it grasped cold metal, he didn't know if he was going to be able to knock again.

Fortunately, there was no need. There was a light sound of footsteps before the door swung open, revealing the being Matthias had missed to much in the months after he had done the unthinkable.

Lukas.

The Norwegian stilled at the sight of him. His blue eyes narrowed, suspicious. Matthias swallowed, heart in his throat.

"Uh... Hi?"

"What are you doing here Matthias?"

The words were harsh, biting back the impulse to wince the Dane shrugged "I just came-""No." Lukas glared at him "What are you doing with me?"

Matthias sighed shifting from foot to foot. He wanted nothing more than to beg on his knees, try with everything he had to get Lukas to come back to him. The only thing that stopped him from dropping to his knees right there was the look on the Norwegian's face. He did the second best thing.

"Uh... You know I just wanted to tell you that you were right... I was stupid." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn't like the way his words sounded on his own tongue. "I am really, really sorry... I shouldn't have done it and I won't ever again... Please Lukas I promise..."

The Norwegian just continued to glare at him, eyes sharp, he didn't say a word so Matthias continued "And... If you wanted to come back... That would, uh, be great-"

He was cut off by a resounding smack and a sharp pain in his cheek. Matthias reeled, stumbling a little from the impact. Then a smile spread across his stinging face and he looked up at Lukas, expecting to see a twitch of satisfaction on his face. Matthias felt his heart shatter when caught sight of the man.

He looked broken, trying to keep his overflowing emotions in check. His eyes were pricking with tears, and he was trying to stop his shaking hands as they trembled on at his sides. He stepped blindly back into the apartment, the tears beginning to gain momentum.

"I do have someone..." His voice was quiet, bleak. Matthias swallowed; Scared, Lukas was scared.

"I have myself and my brother and Berwald and Tino... You are nothing to me Matthias. I don't know what you expected me to do when you came here saying that you loved me.. But I am not going to fall into your arms like a girl."

Matthias stared at the man, his brain scrambling for a way to make Lukas listen to him, but by the time he did, it was too late. The door slammed close and Matthias was left standing alone, the roar of thunder not even pushing into his consciousness.

He clutched the metal in his palm tighter, his whole body trembling.

What had he done wrong? What had he said wrong?

Matthias ran a sweaty hand through his messy hair, he couldn't leave, not like this. The Norwegian was crying again and it was all his fault. He sighed, pulling the warm metal piece from his pocket, cradling it in his arms like some precious gold, because right then, it was.

He stepped to the door rapping on it lightly, but this time he didn't wait for a response. He knew none would come. The Dane's words were thick with emotion as he spoke, his voice real and raw as he choked out the words he had been so afraid to say before.

"... Lukas, I don't know if ya can hear me... Or if ya even want to... But I need you to know that I am sorry. I'm an idiot, a stupid son of a bitch to think I could live without you. I... I was stupid to think you needed me more than I need you..." His breath caught in his throat, the words were so true, he couldn't stop them now that they started coming.

"Because I need ya, Lukas..." His voice was cracking but he was loud enough to make sure Lukas could hear him "Please know that I need you, that I can't live without ya. You are funny and interesting and smart and so, so beautiful... You don't have to love me back... I wouldn't still love me, but... But please forgive me for what I did." His head ducked low, his voice hushed to a low whisper as he spoke in a cracked tone, tears finally finding their way quickly down his cheeks. He burned with shame. "... Please Lukas..."

He stood in front of the door for a long time praying for something, anything. The door stayed firmly shut, not even a sound came from the closed structure. Not even a peep. Matthias sighed holding the priceless hairpiece gingerly in front of him. Carefully he placed it on the ground in front of Lukas' door. He missed the comforting feeling of the metal in his palm almost as soon as it was gone.

A loud crack of thunder snapped him back to reality, the skies seemed to have opened up letting down an onslaught of rain. It pelted the pavement and filled the air with the soft sound of pitter-patter.

Matthias sighed turning away from the door, his heart heavy and his eyes filled with tears.

Useless tears.

The rain soaked him as soon as he stepped into it, his hair flattening a little. Masking his salty tears with rain tracks on his face.

_I lost him..._ He thought his eyes clouded with pain _I lost him, when I had the chance I let it slip through my fingers... _

He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry.

He wanted Lukas to come back.

"...Matthias!"

The Dane stopped so fast he nearly tripped over his own feet, he whirled eyes wide. Lukas stood in front of him, a few meters away, his eyes rimmed with red and his breathing laboured. In his hand he clutched the hairpin.

"L-Lukas?"

The Norwegian shifted from foot to foot, his eyes darting away from the Dane's

"D-did you mean it?" He asked, his voice quiet "What you said at the door, did you mean it?"

Matthias nodded feverantly, his heart sped up at the flicker of hope in the man's tone.

"Every word." He swore.

Lukas stared at him for the first time his stoic mask slipping to show his distrust, his pain. Matthia knew he would not get another chance, if he let this go, he would never forgive himself.

"I love you, Lukas"

The Norwegian's eyes darkened "Does that mean you love others as well."

The Dane shook his head, a sincere smile on his lips for the first time in months "No." He said firmly "Not this time, never again." He took a tentative step towards the man his feet slapping on the wet pavement "It was hell without you ."

The Norwegian sighed, his eyes falling to the ground. He seemed unfazed by the rain pelting down on them. "Do you think it was any easier for me?" He spat, crossing his arms over his chest "But I couldn't go back to you after what you did..."

Matthias cringed, he hated himself for that moment. "Why don't we start over..." He blurted "Why don't we start from when we met, when I wasn't an asshole. I'll take you to a movie, make you cookies-"

"Burn them."

Matthias looked at Lukas shocked, his face held a hint of amusement behind the stoic mask "What?"

"Burn them, Matthias, you don't make cookies; you burn them."

The Dane blinked, all at once a smile lightened his face. His heart filled with hope, swelling until it was so big he could feel the pain"Yes, Yes! I'll burn every cookie in the world. I'd burn jello if ya told me to!"

Lukas sighed taking a step towards him, they were only inches apart now. Matthias could see the amusement behind his tone, behind his smile. He couldn't help the lovesick grin that made it's way onto his lips. He felt a piece of himself fall back into a place, a piece he had been missing for so long. It was the piece that no one night stand could ever give him.

It was feeling he felt only when he was with the Norwegian.

"You can't burn jello, idiot Dane, you don't cook jello."

Matthias smiled "I'd do it." He promised sincerely "I would do it for you."

Lukas shook his head, but took the Dane's hand leading him back to the apartment "Idiot. How did I live with you for all those years?"

Matthias shrugged "My boyish charms?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively and Lukas rolled his eyes.

"Keep your fantasies in your head Matthias, It's a first date remember?" The Norwegian's tone was light but his words held a weight that, for once, Matthias chose to not ignore. He wouldn't lose Lukas again, not if he could help it.

"Awww... Norge!~"

"Shut it, or I'll change my mind."

Lukas led him carefully up the wet steps of the apartment the storm brewing overhead starting to get violent, but before they could go inside Matthias stopped him. He pulled Lukas away from the door, gently reaching into his other palm to pull out the cross hairpin. The last reminder of Lukas he had held onto in those dark months when the Norwegian had gone.

Lukas stared at him questioningly but made no protest as Matthias slid the pin into his rain soaked hair securely pinning the wet locks back from his cheeks and stunning blue eyes. The Dane's hand hovered over his pin for a moment moving gently towards the Norwegian's soft features. He traced a soft line down the side of his love's face, feeling his soft skin under his fingertips. He smiled at the beautiful creature in front of him pulling his hand back.

He would not cross the line, he would respect the boundaries. That was a promise he was willing to keep.

Lukas looked up at him, his eyes blazing with graditude and a slight upwards twitch of his lips. Matthias' heart swelled at the sight.

"Do you want to go inside now?" Lukas asked, his voice was soft but loud enough to be heard over the crescendo of rain as it splattered on the pavement, leaving the world soaked with watery trails.

Matthias nodded, twining his hands with the ones of his lover. They were soft and strong and, Matthias realized, so dearly missed.

There would be more dark days, dark months and even darker years but Matthias would never give up. He would keep fighting for as long as he lived.

He would fight, because now he had something more precious than gold to protect, he had Lukas.

_His _Lukas.

**_END_**

**A/N **Told you I wouldn't be aweful and cruel and leave it like I did... See I can be nice when I want to be. I'm not crazy about this one to be honest. I didn't really like they way it turned out Buuuuuut... It was sort of happy in the end... Kind of...

Oh well!

Tell me what YOU think

-Artemis


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